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Do you see Surrender a Woman's Rights issue or a Reproductive Rights Issue or both? ?

Answers:1   |   LastAnswerAt:2010.06  

Asked at 2010.06.01 19:39:32

answer MamaKate is an Aunt!  Answered at 2010.06.01 19:39:32
Dear Sly,

I see surrender as both - as well as a human rights issue, a father's rights issue, since I FIRMLY believe that father's should have every right and opportunity to parent or have a say in what happens to their child when abuse is not present; and a children's rights issue, since too many people and the system see children as "product" or chattel or feel that they should not have acess to their families (when possible) or records. It is most certainly a FAMILY RIGHTS ISSUE!

I agree with several other poster's statements here about society's role in protecting and supporting families. I do feel that we have a responsibility to other human beings to help them. Adoption should be for cases of true orphans or abuse and neglect which prevent a family from being whole. Adoption should never be the cause or result in the violation of a human's rights.

I also wanted to add: I am disgusted that there are people who feel that they should determine who is or isn't a good parent based on such arbitrary factors such as financial, marital or educational status or even age. It is appaling to me that someone would say, "I wish more women would plan adoptions" based on the afore mentioned reasons! This to me sounds classist and prolongs the idea that there are some women who are only worthy of producing children for others. What a deadful way to look at other human beings! If a parent can provide the basic necessities and shows regular and consistant care and concern for their offspring then they ARE fit parents as defined by law.

I feel there is often too much value placed on "material goods" or wealth when considering the merits of someone as a parent. Children do not need tons of toys (most would prefer to play with the box) or brand name clothing. They do not need their own pony or pool. Kids need love, support, education, TIME etc. ("the intangibles" as I like to call them). Many of the world's greatest leaders, celebrities, writers, etc. started from humble beginnings. Character is built through "the intangibles" not finances. People need to understand that poverty alone does not constitute an "unfit" parent.

Neither does age. There ARE young parents who have suceeded at being very good parents. I totally agree with you that it is sad that women are pressured to try to accomplish a "life plan" or "be ready" before starting a family and end up literally waiting too long to reproduce. It is a problem in the US and in some other Western countries. Women's bodies were not made to have kids on our time schedules. We have a limited amount of time where our bodies are able to bear a healthy child and properly deliver and recover from pregnancy, labor and delivery. I feel sorry for people who do not understand that women's bodies don't wait for the perfect man/job/house/etc. to come along. Life is far too unpredictable to rely on a "plan" for some things. TO BE CLEAR, I am NOT advocating that women breed as early as possible or saying that being ready is a bad thing, but simply that women should be made aware of how our bodies work and that considerations for biology should be made.

Please, do not think for one second that I am not sympathetic towards people with infertility! (I am aware that there are many causes for infertility and I would not dare to invalidate or judge another person's pain. I can only imagine how terrible a feeling it must be for some people and I am truly sorry that there are people who suffer greatly beause of it. (However, I do not think that it "entitles" anyone to anything. Everyone's life contains suffering in some form or another - my job, as a human being is to comfort and help as much as I can.)

Again, all of this comes down to education. I firmly believe that HONEST and COMPLETE public reproductive education and free/low cost, easily obtainable birthcontrol would quickly reduce the number of women who find themselves in unplanned or "crisis" pregnancies and in turn reduce the number of women who feel they have no other option but surrender.

In short, I see adoption/surrender as a human issue and IMHO, it is a huge issue that we are all party to. Until we finally learn that ALL people (inluding children, the poor, the uneduated, the fathers, the unmarried, etc.) are PEOPLE and treat them with EQUAL rights and support, we will continue to see problems like the ones we are urrently facing in adoption. Evernyone is different but I believe, everyone has a right to live their lives as they see fit, as long as they do not harm others. When people stop judging and start helping (or at least accepting) others we will see a happier and healthier society, which in turn will produce stronger families, stronger, happier, healthier and more produtive citizens and all in all, a stronger human society. (Yes, I think the lack of support for and seperation of families has a great deal to do with the state of civilization. I believe in OHANAS!)

Thanks, Sly, for so many wonderful Qs! I just hope I make sense - trying to type out so many thoughts sometimes gets them a little tangled!
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