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Top 10 things to know about someone before you marry?

Answers:1   |   LastAnswerAt:2011.03  

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lovelyinkedlady0613 
Asked at 2011.03.31 01:10:07
My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage. We wanted to know what others thought were important to talk about before marriage. So far we have
Religion
money
kids, pets
common interest
politics
stress how we deal
sexual things
goals in life
roles each other will play in raising kids, and in life in general between us daily living
holiday's
extended family involvement
side of the bed you sleep on
where to live
how he treats his mom and women
past relationships

So anything other then whats on this list would be of great help. We've already had someone suggest a book......no money currently for a book but in a few weeks. So list away. What was important to you when you got married or what is important to you when you get married.
answer Runnin for my life '73  Answered at 2011.03.31 01:10:07
You have a great start with your list and everyone else has offered very valuable insight as well. Good for you for thinking about this all in advance so you give each topic the time it deserves.

Before getting engaged and moving in together, our relationship was all smooth sailing. It is a lot of work afterwards, but worth every second to be able to be with the one you love night after night!

We have been married 2 months. There are definately some things I wish I had known, but we had gone over most of this list in our premarital counseling with an actual marriage counselor because we did not get married through a tradional church so didn't have a program to participate in:

1) Does he accept help (shoveling or cooking) for things or just assume that you will just do them or he will do them or ?
2) If one of you decides to go back to school or start a business, will the other person support you, and if so, to what degree and how much are you willing to spend or lose on this?
3) Does your spouse to be like vacations that are action packed or lying on the beach? Do they like being up to date and hooked to the web or their cell phone 24/7 or can they be ok (or actually like) being cut off from civilation for awhile? I personally think it is healthy.
4) Gifts, how do you both feel about them? This was a point of contention with us because I pretty much immediately ruled out his idea of stating "no gifts" on the invite. So when his friends saw our regisitries, he said that they were all me and that he didn't want anything, which makes me out to be a witch with a b!
5) Can you communicate with each other not just accross a dinner table at a romantic restaurant or idealized values of what you want but about the realities of life, like how much can you actually afford month to month to save for your wedding without charging it, and are your parents able to help out, what are their opinions of money from growing up and do they want that themselves?
6) If either of you want to stay home with the kids. I knew my guy had mentioned he;d be willing to work part time but didn't know how strongly he felt it. He'd actually LOVE to not work at all and stay home with the kids if it is feasible.
7) To what lengths are you willing to go to have a family? IVF or adoption or ? When is the time frame for kids?
8) Will you spank your children? Are allowances a real life lesson in how to budget money or should they be docked for not completing chores around the house?
9) If either of your parents need your care later in life, who is doing it and is that realistic?
10) Will you save up to pay for college for your kids or are you ok with having them take out loans?
11) Financial hopes and dreams...buying a house, credit scores, paying bills on time, retirement, etc.
12) Prenup if necessary
13) Do you buy new cars or used and why?
14) Do they understand how their upbringing has affected them and what do they want to copy, and what should be different?
15) When you argue, does one of you want to resolve everything at once and the other start shutting down and needs time to process the information?
16) When living together, do you plan on spending most, if not all your time together or ?
17) When you come home from work, do you want 20 minutes to decompress and change or do you want to immediately talk to your spouse?

Good luck to you!
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